Sunday, November 20, 2005

Cake of Kiev

Our russian sir told us that this is very famous
Ukraine's food-Cake of Kiev.Doesn't look good anyway.It seems that if u never try this,you have never been to Ukraine but we are here almost three years but this is the first time we bought.Let me try and let everyone knows,isn't it that good.Ha ha

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Escaping from reality

Currently i am doing nothing,blogging and chatting and searching for "Baileys Shake"recipe.My eyes really pain after crying.I don't want to think of anything else first,just trying escape for a while.....Reality is always so mean....

Raining+Crying=????

Outside is raining again.The weather is quite cold.I am crying but this time not in heart.I really couldn't stop my tear running down my cheeks.Luckily nobody is here,Alvin went out,Ch went to his dreamland.
I check my mail,i saw an email from Ivy baby,no idea at all what is that about,purposely i didn't want to open it,i wanted to delete all my junk mails first.BUT opsss,when i deleted one of those mail,the email pop up.I started reading it,and couldn't stop my tear from running down my cheeks.I end up crying and crying and crying.I know i haven't been doing my best to be her best friend.I knew i could have be there whenever she needs me,but i think most of the time i was not there.I felt so bad about that.Really thanks her for that email which as long as an essay.I knew i am lucky to have them here.
May be i shouldn't have blog all these up.Making everyone who loves me and concerns about me worried a lot.Tiong Eng who are so far in Australia also has been worry and wrote me a very long email too.I think i should re read his email again and again and think about what his suggested.
Currently still feeling no energy to proceed but i know i need to,time doesn't allow to me stay.Times wait for no men.So i must be motivated and start working again.Thank u Tiong Eng,Thanks Ivy and Vinvie and of course never forget our "Dato" Eason.Thank you for loving me so much.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Raining...My heart...

Outside is raining,my friend in Scotland told me that there has been snowing for the past few days.Scary!!! Now is only mid of november.Outside is raining,Ivy baby and Vinvie baby went to have a nap.I think i am going to sleep too.My heart is raining too.I knew that i can never give up,i still have a long way to go.I must stand----tahan.tahan&tahan it.NO WAY for me to give up.
My younger sisters and brother taking me as example,i shouldn't give up so easily.Stop asking why and how,just start working is more realistic.Hope one day i will be higher and better.

Giving up?

I choose to be here.I insisted i want to be here.My mum who really loves me a lot putting down her pride to make sure i can be here.But now i suddenly felt that i have no energy to continue.Went for histology exam today,trying to clear my exams which accumlulated for almost a month.Alvin and CH already finish ages ago,I wish i could be like them.Or like Jeffry already finshed all his exams,Anatomy and Histology.He asked me a good question,why didn't i take the exam,how can i take without preparing it,didn't know how to answer.

Today the sir didn't let me pass,i never angry at him.I am so frustrated,can i do better?Do i have the ability to continue?Will i drop out anytime soon?I knew he never let me pass so easily because he wants me to do well.I felt bad too.I want to do well too.I don't know what is the problem with me.I really can't do better?I think i really phobia,i scared i will flung my state exam and need to transfer,need to retain.I don't want all these to happen.I have no energy,time doesn't allow me to do so too.

Tell me?what can i do?What can i do to help myself?

Monday, November 14, 2005

Belated Aidilfitri--Selamat Hari Raya

Selamat Hari Raya kepada Saudara dan Saudari....Still remember this lyrics?For malay Aidilfitri.Ha ha.Just now...Hmm should say yesterday,we were having port luck.The "theme" was all malay food.We had nasi tomato,ayam masak merah,ayam kurma&fried chicken.Yummy yummy and the dessert are..SAGO with condense milk,banana&apple and "Nasi Arya",made from nisan Melaka.Really best.
The worse things is poor,silly me,people normally cut their finger while cooking but i cut my toe.It's really terrible,had been bleeding for more than an hour i think.Everyone was so worry.Ch took clothe and handyplast.Alvin preapared a "icebag" from his facial tower and ice.Cheryl was busy preparing "Scott tissue" from Mal,everyone was so busy.I really appreciate.I knew i am the luckiest person,that's why what my blog is named so.Ivy and Vinvie were scolding me for walking around but everyone knew me,i can't stand still.
I don't know did everyone else enjoy the food or not,but i am yummy yummy.Hope to have this time of food gathering more frequent but opps..going to get fat very fast....all lemak,all oil,all santan....
Very happy day...enjoy...

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Riot!

YO this is jing's GuestBlogger-identity shall remain annonymous.
Just wanted to share some photos of our elusive jing
(me thinks this blog hasn't enough photos ;)

Dont we all love Jing?
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Lalala.

and now,GuestBlogger signing off. Going to Jing's Apartment for our Malay Food Cookout :)
i will be back if i can steal more time!

tatas for now.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

6 something....

Amazed,I woke up 6 something then on line until now.Of course,feeling happy to chat with khong ming, pin yong and tiong eng too.Wow chatting can used up many times.I realised this.Anyway,Mr.Leong Khong Ming,thank u ya trying entertaint me,ha ha.
Hopefully internet at home working by today,if not i still need to use dial up to on line :(.Really pray for that.
Eason,another best friend of mine.Thank you for concerning so much about me.Don't worry i am ok.I will never do anything.Like i always told you,things are fated.We can only do our part.Am i right?
I must do what am i supposed to,nothing else.

Friday, November 11, 2005

To know or not to know?

I want to know or i don't want to know?I cannot decide.Today he told what happened and what he did that day.Then i get to know that where he actually went,what he had did for the day.Do i want to know all that,i felt relief to know that.But when that particular moment he started telling story,i suddenly felt that i don't know what respeonse should i give.Should i just listen to him?Should i give comment?I don't know.I think i act weird.He felt so too.May be at the same time he started to worry that am i going to tell anybody else,of course i won't,if u told me no to do so,i promise i won't.
Anyway thank u for telling,and this cleared up a lot of things.Thank u.

To know or not to know?

I want to know or i don't want to know?I cannot decide.Today he told what happened and what he did that day.Then i get to know that where he actually went,what he had did for the day.Do i want to know all that,i felt relief to know that.But when that particular moment he started telling story,i suddenly felt that i don't know what respeonse should i give.Should i just listen to him?Should i give comment?I don't know.I think i act weird.He felt so too.May be at the same time he started to worry that am i going to tell anybody else,of course i won't,if u told me no to do so,i promise i won't.
Anyway thank u for telling,and this cleared up a lot of things.Thank u.

Am i silly?Am i stupid?Am i.....

It's already a week since he angry at me,am i really talked without thinking?Am i silly?I don't know.May be sometime or most of the time i talked nonesense,without i myself realising it.But again..why he is the person who noticed all these????
I wish i have a heart made by metal or iron or ferum i don't know.BUt i wish to have a heart which does not get influnced by emotion,how i wish.May be i should choose to remove my Limbic system,so i won't be sad,unhappy,depress.
I kept telling myself to be generous,to be patience,to be polite,to be whatever as long as must be good and kind.Again i can't help myself had funny feeling,then started to act weird.I cannot continue to be like these.
Never stop telling myself to be patience,kind and thinking in other's shoe....and must pratice it....

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Sad?Depress?Jealous?Unhappy?Giving up?

Last Saturday,supposed to be a very fine day.We wanted to go cultural hall,Malays are celebrating Ramadhan.Ivy wanted to wear her new dark blue kebaya,and i was going to wear my yellow "nonya" blouse and black skirt too.Running out of time,so end up we didn't go because we decided to go church to support "MIMI" singing.All of us went to church,Ivy,Cheryl,Vinvie,Zoey and I.
Everything was fine,I was having fun but suddenly the weird feeling come into me.I don't know what kind of feeling is that.Sad?Depress?Jealous?Unhappy?Giving up?I don't know i have no idea at all.Luckily Ivy,Vinvie and Zoey making lot of jokes that make me more comfortable,making my mind more occupied.
I really scared of myself.Sometimes,I will feel so aimless,don't know where to go and where to start.I don't want other "things" to bug me.I just want the highest concentration in my study.I just want to do well in my study,i would be satisfied.But again and again,I knew nobody can help me except myself.Gaining the highest concentration,is a very individual thing.First of all is need to clear my mind.
Hoping all the things will disappear in the air,how i wish....

Wish i get my internet....

Tomorrow fixing internet finally!yahoo!!!!!Thank you Choon Hua for putting so much effort to make me happy.I am really glad and lucky to have him.If not i wouldn't have survived,especially when i am really depressed.I didn't know how many time i coudn't stop my tear from running out from my eye.Lucky to have him to listen and advise me.

Hopefully evrything will be alright.Now the time really flies.State exam is only 1 and half month away.I don't know how am i going to cope with it.I am really worry,but except study,what else can i do.I always remember what Ivy told me by the time u graduated,"you are not only a doctor,but be a dream person you have always wanted to be,just using this period of time here to update yourself,groom yourself,be whatever or whoever you want to be."This sentence is absolutely correct,we must be what we want.Living for anybody else will make life difficult.We must do the right things and which did not harm our dearest one,that's already good enough.

Really hope can get my internet fixed tomorrow.Wish me luck.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

A Special Dedicated to him

Special dedicated to Him
Thank you for all the things you have done for me in these 2 years.I am so sorry if sometimes i made you feel stuck between you and your other friends who i really not closed with.All this while i am talking only from my point of view and never seeing from your side.I am so sorry,i have never noticed about that until you told me.
I knew that u try to make me feel that i am good,we can't be together because u have your own criteria.I knew and i understand.Feeling can't be forced.I never wish any changes after telling you.I only wish to have what i have now.Having u concerned about me,having you around when i need you,i don't want anything extra.
I hope you will be happy, can do whatever you want and get whatever you wish.So be happy,i am satistied and happy to see you happy.

A Relief,Yeah I did it!!!!

It was a Sunday,Ivy,Vinvie and I went out.We 3 aunties went out for eggs marketing.We bought 4o eggs for a week.We went out quite late,so we didn't get to shop a lot too,only get some sundries for week....toilet paper...milk...toilettries and etc.
After come back,we are supposed to make Curry puff.Don't know why,i suddenly felt very depressed,i felt that i must tell him.I couldn't stand myself anymore.I can't see things go this way will benefit me.I told Ivy i want to tell him,I really scared of consequences,a lot of things running in my mind,my younger sister's word,i really don't know how.I felt very unhappy,depressed.I just feel that i want to let him know.I trusted that i knew him well,he won't act weird,i believed our friendship won't be so light or fluffy until he wouldn't care for me anymore.I turst him.
After Vinvie baby came to Ivy"s room,we told her that i am going to tell him off.Poor them,they were arguing cause helping me think how to tell him.I felt very bad bout that,i don't want it to be so complicated.I just want him to know why did i over sensitive to what he did,why did i expect more from him than others,why am i willing to share lots of things with him.I just want to let him know,telling a true me.
Finally,i went back.I made my curry puffs too but they were not as nice as what ivy and vinvie did.I think theirs more like curry puffs.My curry puffs are burnt.but still can be eaten,not that bad.
After dinner,taking bath.I told him.Ha ha,the situation was really awkward.I was shiverring.He told me not to.End up he is the one who comforting me.He said he knew it very long ago.May be it's a bit "zha dao",but at the same time feeling so good that he never act weird.He promised things won't be changed.Now already a week.Everything seems fine.He is doing what he said and i felt good too.I felt a burden out of me.I don't know how to describe but it's really light.I no need to hide anything.I can fight or quarrel(joking) with him as i wish.No need to pretend.Seeing that things not going to happen between both of us,I knew i am still far from what he wants.Ha ha,may be he wont admit this.Just let it be this is my assumption.
So i feel really great now.Now my task is to study and do well in my studies.Nothing else,I don't want my parent to worry about me.I want them be happy.At the same time,i want all of my friends be happy.Life is only once,either u r happy or sad,u need to survive or get through it.
Thanks him for being such an understanding friend and trying to make that it's not my problem that we can't be together.Ha ha though i knew it clearly deep in my heart,but i really appreciate what he trying to do.If i sometimes negelcted his feeling,i am so sorry about that.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Cold,windy day

Today supposed to be a wonderful weekend,but the weather turn up too cold.I did nothing,watching DVD in Ivy's room.Doing nothing,blogging on line.Feeling lazy,too many things happen in these few weeks.Having exam,feeling depressed,feeling lucky and blessed,feeling happy.Mix feeling has been happened all the time.
I was so happy my sis got her job she wanted.She is now working in Prudential.One night,Ivy sms me and ask me "who you living for?Yourself?"I am not living for myself.I am living for my family.I want them to be happy,healthy.I don't want them to worry bout me.
About myself now,studying is the most important thing to do.Nothing else,couldn't have think more than that.I am lucky to have Ivy,Vinvie,Alvin And Choon Hua around.I know i am.Vinvie always reminds me must make sure myself are happy.Alvin and CH tolerating all my mood changing in sudden.Feeling so grateful to have them.
Hoping that everything will fall on it place.Hoping that everyone is happy.I wish...i pray...

Saturday, September 24, 2005

ZZZZZ

Lazy to blog...Nothing cross my mind at the moment.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Went to Epatorial Beach

Yesterday we went to seaside.First time in Ukraine,Ivy wore her new bikini.She doesn't look fat all,but she kept complaintning she looked fat.Ha ha,this is girl's word.7 of us went.Ivy,Cheryl,Alvin,Choon Hua,Gary,Suan&i.We took lots of photo.We only swim for may be 20 minutes,and we end up spending the whole afternoon photo shooting.I wish i could slim down fast and can wear Bikini as well.Ha ha ha.May be not so soon in future time,but need to work out that.
Read my sister,Siew Kang's blog.I felt like tears going to run down my cheek soon.Did i scold everybody without reason the few day before i came back,if yes,i am so sorry.I don't mean to be like that.I wish i could hold all the precious moment we shared together.Looking all the photos we took during the holiday.I felt so warm.
Has been back excatly 2 weeks,sometime felt that time pass very fast,sometime very slow.Felt nothing at this moment,hoping that everyone would be happy,eapecially those around me.Ivy will be happy all the time,vinvie will get what she wishes for.Alvin&CH will be happy as well.Suan will be getting what he wants as well.For myself,i am happy to see others happy.
By the way,today is latern festival.Happy moon cake fistival to everybody.I wish i could with my family....How i wish.Wish them will get whatever they wish...

Thursday, September 08, 2005

BAck for 3 days

I am back to Ukraine for 3 days but it seems like 3 months.Really hard everytime when just came back from Malaysia,extra missing my family and friend.Felt that lots of thing not yet do,but it's a cycle.We need to face it to grow.Now classes already started,going to class as usual from 8am until 5pm.This sem the time table is very packed.State exam coming but don't know a single thing.Today went for first hospital class,it's really interesting.Felt like a doctor.We are having general surgery cycle now.The sir is very funny.He is kind.
Nothing else to write at the moment just feel like going home.Being some warm hugged by mummy.My mummy really great.She send me a lot of food stuff through ah Suan,my little brother who is from Kuala Krai.He is really great.He 1 person carry 10 pieces of luggage for us.4 is mine,2 is ivy's and for is His.He is really nice.Thank him.
Felt so grateful to have mum like her.I am really lucky.She probably wanted to bring whole Malaysia for me if she can.She is really the greatest mum.Thank her.I love her.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Going Back

So unwillingly to go back.Might be blogging and crying at the same time.So better don't write too much,Thank you for those who call me up to say good bye.I am so grateful and gald to have them.Especially Khong Ming calling all the way from Korea.Thank you,My best friend forever.I think that's all for today,need to spend more time with my family.Good luck to everyone elso.