Saturday, October 29, 2005

A Special Dedicated to him

Special dedicated to Him
Thank you for all the things you have done for me in these 2 years.I am so sorry if sometimes i made you feel stuck between you and your other friends who i really not closed with.All this while i am talking only from my point of view and never seeing from your side.I am so sorry,i have never noticed about that until you told me.
I knew that u try to make me feel that i am good,we can't be together because u have your own criteria.I knew and i understand.Feeling can't be forced.I never wish any changes after telling you.I only wish to have what i have now.Having u concerned about me,having you around when i need you,i don't want anything extra.
I hope you will be happy, can do whatever you want and get whatever you wish.So be happy,i am satistied and happy to see you happy.

A Relief,Yeah I did it!!!!

It was a Sunday,Ivy,Vinvie and I went out.We 3 aunties went out for eggs marketing.We bought 4o eggs for a week.We went out quite late,so we didn't get to shop a lot too,only get some sundries for week....toilet paper...milk...toilettries and etc.
After come back,we are supposed to make Curry puff.Don't know why,i suddenly felt very depressed,i felt that i must tell him.I couldn't stand myself anymore.I can't see things go this way will benefit me.I told Ivy i want to tell him,I really scared of consequences,a lot of things running in my mind,my younger sister's word,i really don't know how.I felt very unhappy,depressed.I just feel that i want to let him know.I trusted that i knew him well,he won't act weird,i believed our friendship won't be so light or fluffy until he wouldn't care for me anymore.I turst him.
After Vinvie baby came to Ivy"s room,we told her that i am going to tell him off.Poor them,they were arguing cause helping me think how to tell him.I felt very bad bout that,i don't want it to be so complicated.I just want him to know why did i over sensitive to what he did,why did i expect more from him than others,why am i willing to share lots of things with him.I just want to let him know,telling a true me.
Finally,i went back.I made my curry puffs too but they were not as nice as what ivy and vinvie did.I think theirs more like curry puffs.My curry puffs are burnt.but still can be eaten,not that bad.
After dinner,taking bath.I told him.Ha ha,the situation was really awkward.I was shiverring.He told me not to.End up he is the one who comforting me.He said he knew it very long ago.May be it's a bit "zha dao",but at the same time feeling so good that he never act weird.He promised things won't be changed.Now already a week.Everything seems fine.He is doing what he said and i felt good too.I felt a burden out of me.I don't know how to describe but it's really light.I no need to hide anything.I can fight or quarrel(joking) with him as i wish.No need to pretend.Seeing that things not going to happen between both of us,I knew i am still far from what he wants.Ha ha,may be he wont admit this.Just let it be this is my assumption.
So i feel really great now.Now my task is to study and do well in my studies.Nothing else,I don't want my parent to worry about me.I want them be happy.At the same time,i want all of my friends be happy.Life is only once,either u r happy or sad,u need to survive or get through it.
Thanks him for being such an understanding friend and trying to make that it's not my problem that we can't be together.Ha ha though i knew it clearly deep in my heart,but i really appreciate what he trying to do.If i sometimes negelcted his feeling,i am so sorry about that.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Cold,windy day

Today supposed to be a wonderful weekend,but the weather turn up too cold.I did nothing,watching DVD in Ivy's room.Doing nothing,blogging on line.Feeling lazy,too many things happen in these few weeks.Having exam,feeling depressed,feeling lucky and blessed,feeling happy.Mix feeling has been happened all the time.
I was so happy my sis got her job she wanted.She is now working in Prudential.One night,Ivy sms me and ask me "who you living for?Yourself?"I am not living for myself.I am living for my family.I want them to be happy,healthy.I don't want them to worry bout me.
About myself now,studying is the most important thing to do.Nothing else,couldn't have think more than that.I am lucky to have Ivy,Vinvie,Alvin And Choon Hua around.I know i am.Vinvie always reminds me must make sure myself are happy.Alvin and CH tolerating all my mood changing in sudden.Feeling so grateful to have them.
Hoping that everything will fall on it place.Hoping that everyone is happy.I wish...i pray...