Raining&raining

Cooking porridge now,CH not feeling well.Hoepfully he get well soon.I was talking with Mimi yesterday night.I told him about the email content which Ivy,Ah Eng and my sis wrote me.I have no idea whether he went to read my blog or not,but he was saying really make me wonder a lot of things .I am not angry at him,i am not..er...i don't know how to describe the feeling,but i was feeling funny when the moment he told me until now.I don't know what i need to do with myself,no idea at all.Running our of idea again.Hai doesn't like this kind of feeling.

He told me though he doesn't want to be here,his dad want him to be here,but in this 2 and the half years,he never even once think that he is here because of his dad.He said this is only the process of life.We need to go through this.We are born to study,we need to do our task,we must live for our own.He said he only wants to get the degree,but by choosing this pathway,he didn't lose anything but the only thing is-- time is longer than other degress.I don't know.For me,i suddenly lost myself again.Just lost in the air,I clearly knew that i have no time to hesitate or reluctant about what am i doing now.Who do i did all this for?Myself?My family?My future?

Aih...i have no answer for these questions.All these so called question have been bugging me for almost a week liao.I hope i can get answer for all this,actually i think the answer is already there but need sometime for me to rearrange my mind setting.I hope i can cope with it soon.

Cake of Kiev

Our russian sir told us that this is very famous
Ukraine's food-Cake of Kiev.Doesn't look good anyway.It seems that if u never try this,you have never been to Ukraine but we are here almost three years but this is the first time we bought.Let me try and let everyone knows,isn't it that good.Ha ha

Escaping from reality

Currently i am doing nothing,blogging and chatting and searching for "Baileys Shake"recipe.My eyes really pain after crying.I don't want to think of anything else first,just trying escape for a while.....Reality is always so mean....

Raining+Crying=????

Outside is raining again.The weather is quite cold.I am crying but this time not in heart.I really couldn't stop my tear running down my cheeks.Luckily nobody is here,Alvin went out,Ch went to his dreamland.
I check my mail,i saw an email from Ivy baby,no idea at all what is that about,purposely i didn't want to open it,i wanted to delete all my junk mails first.BUT opsss,when i deleted one of those mail,the email pop up.I started reading it,and couldn't stop my tear from running down my cheeks.I end up crying and crying and crying.I know i haven't been doing my best to be her best friend.I knew i could have be there whenever she needs me,but i think most of the time i was not there.I felt so bad about that.Really thanks her for that email which as long as an essay.I knew i am lucky to have them here.
May be i shouldn't have blog all these up.Making everyone who loves me and concerns about me worried a lot.Tiong Eng who are so far in Australia also has been worry and wrote me a very long email too.I think i should re read his email again and again and think about what his suggested.
Currently still feeling no energy to proceed but i know i need to,time doesn't allow to me stay.Times wait for no men.So i must be motivated and start working again.Thank u Tiong Eng,Thanks Ivy and Vinvie and of course never forget our "Dato" Eason.Thank you for loving me so much.

Raining...My heart...

Outside is raining,my friend in Scotland told me that there has been snowing for the past few days.Scary!!! Now is only mid of november.Outside is raining,Ivy baby and Vinvie baby went to have a nap.I think i am going to sleep too.My heart is raining too.I knew that i can never give up,i still have a long way to go.I must stand----tahan.tahan&tahan it.NO WAY for me to give up.
My younger sisters and brother taking me as example,i shouldn't give up so easily.Stop asking why and how,just start working is more realistic.Hope one day i will be higher and better.

Giving up?

I choose to be here.I insisted i want to be here.My mum who really loves me a lot putting down her pride to make sure i can be here.But now i suddenly felt that i have no energy to continue.Went for histology exam today,trying to clear my exams which accumlulated for almost a month.Alvin and CH already finish ages ago,I wish i could be like them.Or like Jeffry already finshed all his exams,Anatomy and Histology.He asked me a good question,why didn't i take the exam,how can i take without preparing it,didn't know how to answer.

Today the sir didn't let me pass,i never angry at him.I am so frustrated,can i do better?Do i have the ability to continue?Will i drop out anytime soon?I knew he never let me pass so easily because he wants me to do well.I felt bad too.I want to do well too.I don't know what is the problem with me.I really can't do better?I think i really phobia,i scared i will flung my state exam and need to transfer,need to retain.I don't want all these to happen.I have no energy,time doesn't allow me to do so too.

Tell me?what can i do?What can i do to help myself?

Belated Aidilfitri--Selamat Hari Raya

Selamat Hari Raya kepada Saudara dan Saudari....Still remember this lyrics?For malay Aidilfitri.Ha ha.Just now...Hmm should say yesterday,we were having port luck.The "theme" was all malay food.We had nasi tomato,ayam masak merah,ayam kurma&fried chicken.Yummy yummy and the dessert are..SAGO with condense milk,banana&apple and "Nasi Arya",made from nisan Melaka.Really best.
The worse things is poor,silly me,people normally cut their finger while cooking but i cut my toe.It's really terrible,had been bleeding for more than an hour i think.Everyone was so worry.Ch took clothe and handyplast.Alvin preapared a "icebag" from his facial tower and ice.Cheryl was busy preparing "Scott tissue" from Mal,everyone was so busy.I really appreciate.I knew i am the luckiest person,that's why what my blog is named so.Ivy and Vinvie were scolding me for walking around but everyone knew me,i can't stand still.
I don't know did everyone else enjoy the food or not,but i am yummy yummy.Hope to have this time of food gathering more frequent but opps..going to get fat very fast....all lemak,all oil,all santan....
Very happy day...enjoy...

Riot!

YO this is jing's GuestBlogger-identity shall remain annonymous.
Just wanted to share some photos of our elusive jing
(me thinks this blog hasn't enough photos ;)

Dont we all love Jing?


Lalala.

and now,GuestBlogger signing off. Going to Jing's Apartment for our Malay Food Cookout :)
i will be back if i can steal more time!

tatas for now.

6 something....

Amazed,I woke up 6 something then on line until now.Of course,feeling happy to chat with khong ming, pin yong and tiong eng too.Wow chatting can used up many times.I realised this.Anyway,Mr.Leong Khong Ming,thank u ya trying entertaint me,ha ha.
Hopefully internet at home working by today,if not i still need to use dial up to on line :(.Really pray for that.
Eason,another best friend of mine.Thank you for concerning so much about me.Don't worry i am ok.I will never do anything.Like i always told you,things are fated.We can only do our part.Am i right?
I must do what am i supposed to,nothing else.

To know or not to know?

I want to know or i don't want to know?I cannot decide.Today he told what happened and what he did that day.Then i get to know that where he actually went,what he had did for the day.Do i want to know all that,i felt relief to know that.But when that particular moment he started telling story,i suddenly felt that i don't know what respeonse should i give.Should i just listen to him?Should i give comment?I don't know.I think i act weird.He felt so too.May be at the same time he started to worry that am i going to tell anybody else,of course i won't,if u told me no to do so,i promise i won't.
Anyway thank u for telling,and this cleared up a lot of things.Thank u.

To know or not to know?

I want to know or i don't want to know?I cannot decide.Today he told what happened and what he did that day.Then i get to know that where he actually went,what he had did for the day.Do i want to know all that,i felt relief to know that.But when that particular moment he started telling story,i suddenly felt that i don't know what respeonse should i give.Should i just listen to him?Should i give comment?I don't know.I think i act weird.He felt so too.May be at the same time he started to worry that am i going to tell anybody else,of course i won't,if u told me no to do so,i promise i won't.
Anyway thank u for telling,and this cleared up a lot of things.Thank u.

Am i silly?Am i stupid?Am i.....

It's already a week since he angry at me,am i really talked without thinking?Am i silly?I don't know.May be sometime or most of the time i talked nonesense,without i myself realising it.But again..why he is the person who noticed all these????
I wish i have a heart made by metal or iron or ferum i don't know.BUt i wish to have a heart which does not get influnced by emotion,how i wish.May be i should choose to remove my Limbic system,so i won't be sad,unhappy,depress.
I kept telling myself to be generous,to be patience,to be polite,to be whatever as long as must be good and kind.Again i can't help myself had funny feeling,then started to act weird.I cannot continue to be like these.
Never stop telling myself to be patience,kind and thinking in other's shoe....and must pratice it....

Sad?Depress?Jealous?Unhappy?Giving up?

Last Saturday,supposed to be a very fine day.We wanted to go cultural hall,Malays are celebrating Ramadhan.Ivy wanted to wear her new dark blue kebaya,and i was going to wear my yellow "nonya" blouse and black skirt too.Running out of time,so end up we didn't go because we decided to go church to support "MIMI" singing.All of us went to church,Ivy,Cheryl,Vinvie,Zoey and I.
Everything was fine,I was having fun but suddenly the weird feeling come into me.I don't know what kind of feeling is that.Sad?Depress?Jealous?Unhappy?Giving up?I don't know i have no idea at all.Luckily Ivy,Vinvie and Zoey making lot of jokes that make me more comfortable,making my mind more occupied.
I really scared of myself.Sometimes,I will feel so aimless,don't know where to go and where to start.I don't want other "things" to bug me.I just want the highest concentration in my study.I just want to do well in my study,i would be satisfied.But again and again,I knew nobody can help me except myself.Gaining the highest concentration,is a very individual thing.First of all is need to clear my mind.
Hoping all the things will disappear in the air,how i wish....

Wish i get my internet....

Tomorrow fixing internet finally!yahoo!!!!!Thank you Choon Hua for putting so much effort to make me happy.I am really glad and lucky to have him.If not i wouldn't have survived,especially when i am really depressed.I didn't know how many time i coudn't stop my tear from running out from my eye.Lucky to have him to listen and advise me.

Hopefully evrything will be alright.Now the time really flies.State exam is only 1 and half month away.I don't know how am i going to cope with it.I am really worry,but except study,what else can i do.I always remember what Ivy told me by the time u graduated,"you are not only a doctor,but be a dream person you have always wanted to be,just using this period of time here to update yourself,groom yourself,be whatever or whoever you want to be."This sentence is absolutely correct,we must be what we want.Living for anybody else will make life difficult.We must do the right things and which did not harm our dearest one,that's already good enough.

Really hope can get my internet fixed tomorrow.Wish me luck.